


I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to

by stydiastydia



Category: Veep (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fix-It, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Series Finale, season 7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-26 03:48:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20383174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stydiastydia/pseuds/stydiastydia
Summary: “How are you?” he asks when she doesn’t say anything.“Please, don’t tell me you really want to know.”“I know what she means to you, Ames.”It’s a sentence anyone else could have used, there’s no shared secrets or anything else about it but it makes her cry. Perhaps it’s the use of the nickname that sounds special when he says it or that she knows that she never let anyone else know her the way he did - not even her husband - or the fact that she won’t get a phone call from Selina almost yelling at her and then five minutes later asking her about her plans for lunch saying that they need to catch up ever again.





	I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back! After finishing my last fic I had a big writers block, I had many ideas but everything I wrote was pure trash lol. This fic was inspired by All Too Well by Taylor Swift - for some reason I was listening to this song non stop today and felt like I needed to write something, so here it is.

She’s been in bed since she woke up maybe two hours ago, getting up seemed too much, the idea of having breakfast makes her want to throw up, so she’s going to stay right where she is. Amy wishes she could just spend the day like this, alone in her big bedroom - their big bedroom - without having to talk to anyone, just watching the rain through the window. Maybe she should look for a sleeping pill in the bathroom cabinet since she didn’t get any sleep last night. And it’s not like she has somewhere to be right now. It’s not like there’s someone waiting, okay, there's tons of people at work that are probably lost without her there but she doesn’t give a fuck about her job right now. That’s how she knows how badly she’s feeling. 

Kent was the one who called her and told her the news. In a rare moment of affection he said that he didn’t want her to find out from someone else and she’s glad she didn’t. Amy is sure that if a different person had told her, or if she had found out scrolling on Twitter… it would be bad. It would be worse. She needed to hear from someone who knew her, who had an idea of how her brain works, even if that person is Kent. They worked together for so many years but it’s not like they’re friends. But it doesn’t matter, she’s glad that the person who told her understood that her first reaction was to laugh because it didn’t feel real.

Kent’s words haunted her all night, “Amy...you need to listen...Selina’s dead.” He didn’t need to say much. And Amy didn’t need to know anything else, she didn’t want to deal with this information but there was no way she could run from it. Her mind went back to the first time she met Selina but it was too painful to think about it. She passed though Bill on her way to the kitchen and he must have noticed her puffy eyes, when he asked about what had happened she felt like her voice was gone. She just couldn't say the words. 

It’s one thing to hear it, it’s another one completely different to actually say it. 

Selina is dead.  _ Dead _ . Gone. 

She couldn't say it. 

She poured herself a glass of wine and went back to the bedroom without saying anything. 

Her phone lit up with a call and when she was about to ignore it, she realized that it was from a number she once knew by heart. 

“I’m waiting to board the plane.”

She took a moment to take in his voice and it sounded just like she remembered. Amy doesn’t know when was the last time she spoke with Dan but it’s been years. So many years.

But of course he would call her as if they spoke last week, as if they’ve speaking with other all the time. The truth is, she doesn't care about it at this moment. If it was another situation she would be furious with him for thinking he can call her and act like they’re friends. 

“Is this really happening?” she asks, also not bothering with saying _ hi.  _ Her voice sounds too broken and she realizes she hasn't said a word since Kent called yesterday. 

It’s not like she believed he would say  _ no  _ and she would wake up from a really bad dream but once he was the person she trusted the most, even if her brain told her again and again that she shouldn't. Maybe she needed to hear it from him. 

She wished she could just close her eyes and drift away. 

Maybe this was a bad dream and Dan would tell her that everything was ok and she would wake up mad at herself for dreaming about him. 

She hears him taking a deep breath. “It almost doesn’t feel real,” he says.

“Yeah,'' she replies. Amy knows he doesn’t like to talk about emotions, she doesn’t know why he called but she doesn’t ask. She doesn’t know how to ask. 

There was a time, many years ago, where Dan left her speechless, he would do something like put his hand on top of hers when they were drinking after a long day of work or stare at her for far too long but now she has no idea what to say because there’s too many miles and years and heartbreak between them. 

She finally finds the courage and asks, “Why are you calling me? And how do you still have this number?”

“I never deleted it,” he answers the second question first. He must have realized that Amy deleted his number but from the tone of his voice he doesn’t sound angry. H just said a fact. It is what it is. 

They haven’t talked in years. It is what it is. 

They never had a reason to call each other. It is what it is. 

It took Amy two years since she last saw him to delete his number. It wasn’t like she was pining over him. She almost didn’t think about him. She was too busy anyway. It happened on a random monday morning. She wanted iced tea and without even thinking about it she turned around expecting to find him next to her. She found herself wanting him to be there so they could go get iced tea together and take a break from the craziness of their job. When she realized what she had done, she grabbed her phone and immediately deleted his number. It was like pulling off a bandaid - quickly and painful - what people don’t say is that it doesn’t matter if you’re going to pull it slowly or fast, it’s going to hurt either way. 

“How are you?” he asks when she doesn’t say anything. 

“Please, don’t tell me you really want to know.”

“I know what she means to you, Ames.”

It’s a sentence anyone else could have used, there’s no shared secrets or anything else about it but it makes her cry. Perhaps it’s the use of the nickname that sounds special when he says it or that she knows that she never let anyone else know her the way he did - not even her husband - or the fact that she won’t get a phone call from Selina almost yelling at her and then five minutes later asking her about her plans for lunch saying that they need to catch up ever again. 

Selina’s gone. Dan’s gone in a different way. Even Gary is not here anymore. And she always assumed he wouldn't go anywhere. Fuck. She and Dan used to joke that Gary never asked for vacations because he didn’t know how to behave when he wasn’t around Selina.

It’s not like she feels alone, there’s Bill and the two greyhounds, who take a good part of her life but it’s not really how she pictured herself in the future, if she’s being honest. 

She was happy with her life but maybe -  _ shit _ , Selina is dead.

Amy doesn’t think she will get used to this, she doesn’t want to get used to this but every time she remembers it her heart breaks even more.

She doesn’t expect anyone to understand but she knows that Dan does. He understands because he was there, he understands because before things got ugly they were a team. He used to be the first person she saw every morning - he always insisted that they drove together to work - and somehow she always ended up talking to him on the phone most nights before going to bed, usually they talked about work but there were times where they talked about everything else. Some things were easier to say over the phone, afterall.

But it’s not easy right now. Her heart aches for numerous reasons and for the first time in years she wishes Dan was right beside her so she could bury her face on his neck and cry until there were no more tears left.

Maybe he could have given her the news instead of Kent.

She knows it’s too dangerous to think about all the possibilities. It’s easier to get lost on the good memories, and she likes to get lost on their good memories but she moved on with her life and so did he.

Although, there’s a part of her that just knows that in a life or death situation he would come back. Maybe she would too. Maybe.

But isn’t this a situation like this? Can she trust him after all those years?

“I don’t think I can handle the funeral,” she tells him honestly. Amy doesn’t need to say  _ I’m only telling you this _ or  _ I haven’t told anyone but you _ , he knows. 

“Of course you can. It’s going to be difficult but you can.”

“You’re in California, Dan. You have no idea. We were actually friends this time, you know, she wasn't the easiest person to get along but she was like my best friend.”

“But I know you, Amy, and I think you’re really brave, fuck it, I  _ know _ you’re brave,” he says and her mind takes her to decades ago.

_ I just want to say I’m sorry about your dad, and I think you’re being really brave.  _

It hurts too much. She locked a kaleidoscope of their memories and threw away the key for a reason. She needs to remember that. 

She knows he’s not playing games. It’s been too long and they drifted apart too much for that and also, she could always tell when he was telling the truth.

“Look, I have to turn off my phone now,” he says, “but can we meet when I arrive in D.C? You know, before the funeral.”

“Yeah, sure. I think it will be good to see you before the funeral. We will actually have time to catch up.”

“I’d like that.”

“Ok, text me when you land.”

“Sure. And, Ames?”

“I wish it didn’t take something like this for us to see each other again, I really miss you.”

“I know, me too,” she smiles and ends the call. 

She gets out of bed and makes some coffee. She has to tell herself all the reason why it never worked with Dan but she can’t help but feel relieved knowing that she is going to see him soon, she knows that it’s going to feel like coming back home, somehow. 


End file.
